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Putting creativity back into your relationships

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Arresting Angry Moments
How many times do you find yourself in a conversation spinning wildly out of control, quickly heading toward the danger zone of words you never meant to say and emotions you didn’t want to elicit? Life is often filled with emotionally charged moments, but how we handle these moments is up to us. Reacting in anger or sharpness isn’t the only way.

It reminds me of an interaction between the two main characters in the movie “You’ve Got Mail.” In writing to Kathleen, Joe  says, “I must warn you, that when you finally have the pleasure of saying the thing you mean to say at the moment you mean to say it…remorse inevitably follows.” Later, Kathleen discovers the truth of this and responds, “I was able, for the first time in my life, to say the exact thing I wanted to say, at the exact moment I wanted to say it. And of course, afterwards, I felt terrible. Just as you said I would. .... No matter what he's done to me, there is no excuse for my behavior” Often it takes a moment of introspection to realize that how we are reacting is not who we want to be. No one wants to be the angry, vindictive individual in a relationship, and no one has to be. There are things you can do to avoid this situation.

First, the greatest thing to remember is WHO you are chatting with. Realize you love and treasure this person. When emotions are heated, step back and be an observer. Secondly, sort through the issues at hand. If necessary, come back to it at a later date.  Talk about this in advance; discussing how you will handle a heated situation before it ever begins. Sort through the issues together and don’t take things personally. Remember that this is a person you care about, a person with whom you have had many wonderful experiences together, a person you want to have a strong relationship with. You can choose to react with love and warmth, and not let anger decide how you will react. Life is too short to live with regrets.

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